When I graduated kindergarten the teachers asked every student what they wanted to be when they grew up. The result of our barely formed decisions were placed directly underneath each of our school photos in the yearbook. Some of my classmates wanted to be astronauts, others wanted to be firefighters, and some simply said they wanted to be “my mommy” when they grew up. Beneath the photo of my kindergarten self was the word Veterinarian. The one thing I remember about making that decision was debating between my choice and being a writer. The only reason why the veterinary practice won was because of my intense love for animals. That seemed to be the only time I wavered in my desire to one day work with words. A couple of years later when I graduated elementary school, we were asked the same question, this time I decided I wanted to promote myself as a future author to the rest of my school.
There was never really a decision, or a conversation that contributed to where I find myself today. There was never a question of familial support, which is what I believe gave me the confidence to slap away condescending comments from those who have judged me because of the path I have chosen for my education. While I have trudged through many uncomfortable conversations with judgy advisors and confused businessmen, I have always had a response prepared to deny their accusations that I will make no money with my degree. The unfortunate truth is that the judgment of others has a huge impact on me and my education. My desire to prove others wrong can get in the way of why I decided to study English.
Throughout my high school career I could not find much that truly interested me, but it was always the lectures from my English teachers that left me astounded. It inspired me in a way that other subjects could not even begin to do. This is what touches my soul in a way nothing else can. In Karen Swallow Prior’s article How Reading Makes Us More Human, she perfectly sums up the answer of why I wanted to obsess over words for the next four years of my life. Prior explains, “What good literature can do and does do — far greater than any importation of morality — is touch the human soul.” This is the truth of what I chose to pursue. How can I be shameful of a path with such a beautiful purpose? My commitment to this craft is a commitment to my being a better human. It is our stories that have the power to connect us.
In her article, Jasmine Guillory wrote about the power of black fiction. The ability that a single story has on a person’s view of the world. So many people are told to go and travel to learn about other people in the world. How beautiful is it that fiction can have the same effect on a person without moving an inch? Throughout the completion of my English degree, I have felt inspiration on a level I have been chasing since I began thinking critically about the words in the books I read. It is this inspiration and connection to the human condition that reminds me to savor every moment as an English major. Every bit of doubt I have felt when defending my choice melts away when that connection is made.
Thanks for sharing this reflection. It’s helpful (though a bit saddening) to be reminded of those figures you cast as “judges” out there. Sometimes, these judges are too close to home, but you are luck to have a more supportive family to encourage your pursuit of inspiration. I like that idea of chasing inspiration. It’s not just the passive mode of “being inspired”–so often inspiration is something we depict as happening to us. Here, it’s something to be chased and cherished, a higher order level of understanding what it means to be human in so many different forms.