“Oh, you’re an English major? So you must want to teach English right?”
That’s the question that haunts most English majors the moment they hear it roll off a person’s tongue as if there could not possibly be any other path that could be taken. Though I have always resented the mere thought of that question, I cannot blame those who ask it. No one I have ever known outside the major has ever been able to understand that English is everywhere, a part of everything we do. As much as I wish the question about what I can do with a future in English or literature didn’t bother me, it has always given me thoughts of doubt. (Thanks Mom and Dad!)
The doubt that others held for me and my future only caused my own doubt to grow, making me second-guess any step or action I took. I finally started letting go and pushing past said doubt during this year, my final moments in college. Surrounding myself with friends with like-minded opinions or paths, professors who encourage and want to see us succeed, and a new breath of life in my writing and reading.
“Read as much as you write,” the writing advice I received from one of my favorite authors, TJ Klune. As simple as these words are, they held immense meaning for me. Just before the encounter that made this quote happen, I was losing almost all passion in the fields of both reading and writing, facing severe burnout and doubt in myself as a reader and writer. It is crazy how much meaning we as humans can give words, even if those meanings vary or change depending on the person. Frank Kermode has talked about the different forms of reading that one may be faced with throughout their days, as he “distinguishes between ‘carnal reading’ — characterized by the hurried, utilitarian information processing that constitutes the bulk of our daily reading diet — and ‘spiritual reading,’ reading done with focused attention for pleasure, reflection, analysis, and growth.”
I had never truly given a real thought to the different kinds of readings that I encounter, I figured that my burnout in reading and writing was just an overall thing I was facing and not just how school and life were affecting me. I thought if I couldn’t bare to read every page of all the readings for school then I couldn’t bare to read for pleasure anymore either. Oh, how wrong I was. Removing this lens of thinking for myself was like a breath of fresh air, not only did I get to pick up books and write for fun again without doubting myself, but I also got to fall in love with my passions all over again.
Why did I want to study literature and writing though? The answer has always been simple for me, even from a young age. My dream has always been to be a travel journalist. I want to be able to share cultures
and experiences with people who may not find it as easy to travel or do things. I want to spark the passion that other cultures and people can give and the stories that can change a person if they were just given the chance. I want to make a change in the world. No matter how big or small, no matter if it’s only one person or hundreds. People are granted a chance to experience life, new ideas, cultures, and more through reading works of literature or travel writings. People are also given a chance to escape from their own lives by reading about other’s adventures too, which can ease the urge to travel for those who may not have access to it as easily.
I want to inspire, and that is exactly what reading and writing can do. Paula Moya hits at this idea in her article as she explains how understanding “significant social categories like race, ethnicity, gender, and sexuality structure individual experience and identity, as well as why it is necessary to appreciate and engage ‘worlds of sense’ that are anchored in experiences and identities other than one’s own, there may be no more efficient and effective approach than the close reading of individual works of literature.” Literature holds the power to take people to other worlds, places, times, and states, as well as much more. I want to be someone who can do this for others, even if it doesn’t amount to the likes of the greats that came before us.
I particularly liked the line “The doubt that others held for me”. I think this rings true on so many levels, even outside our comfortable English major that is so full of doubt. In life, you can have a vision of the future that feels so clear and so right, but it’s usually others that find the flaws and carry the fears that you may not have known yourself. It’s up to you then to rectify those fears, not for others, but for yourself. You can’t shutout people who think you’re wrong, but you can work to prove them wrong.