There are a lot of things working well in Sarah’s “Independence Day.” The speaker in the poem seems to be in a thoughtful state, daydreaming as she watches little kids play with sparklers and swim on Independence Day. The speaker Her inquisitive state is obvious while her mind wonders with every summer seen she see’s while drinking her beer. Her mind wonders a new story about kids that burned down a baby’s crib with sparklers, to her divorced uncle, to the thought that once it gets cold, it’s days like this one she will reminisce. The speaker seems to struggle with controlling her wondering mind, which is a very relatable feeling, and I think Sarah did a great job embodying that through the poem.
I only wish Sarah incorporated more imagery and metaphors to really bring the work to life. I wanted to see what the speaker was seeing past just kids swimming in the pool, playing with sparklers, and what the illuminating sky looked like. I feel Sarah could have effectively used more images and metaphors to explain how what the speaker was looking at lead her wondering mind to the memories it did. And even in the memories, I wanted more about how they made the speaker feel, and why it was these specific times that she was going back to.
Good work Sarah!
Chris