Rachel opens her poem with a beautifully crafted line: “You drop words like bombs/and expect them to kill.” After setting the tone of the poem so simply in those first lines, she continues to write similar lines about verbal warfare between two people. The speaker is accusing the “you” throughout the entirety of the piece, which gives me the sense that she never got the chance to speak against his own accusations, and this is her chance to fight back–even if the “you” will never get to see/hear it. Throughout the piece, there is a volley between this figurative war going on between the speaker and the “you,” and the literal war overseas. It does seem a bit odd that the speaker would be comparing a lover’s quarrel, however brutal, to the actual violence of a war. Later, we see ties between the “you” and a soldier he knows, but it still seems a bit harsh.
The line breaks in the poem are well executed, with obvious purpose, but also the sense of breathlessness. It seems like the speaker is rushing to get this off her chest, and she knows she won’t have the moment or the strength to say it later–it has to be now. I love the feeling of urgency in the format of the poem, the topic, and also the word choice. “Machine gun insults,” “combat words,” “tear track marks,” etc., just give this poem a gritty feel–I think the speaker’s intention.
I do think that Rachel could benefit the poem by working on continuity. A few times, the lover’s battle is referred to as a war, and the speaker doesn’t discredit that totally, but in the last lines, she says “Because this is a war,/and despite what they say,/we’re not the revolution.” Revolutions typically are the spark to a war, and the speaker and the “you” don’t have to necessarily start it, but if their situation is war…how is she so sure she’s not the revolution? Or perhaps she’s referencing the literal war? It’s a bit unclear to the reader. The last two lines make for a strong ending, but in the context of the piece, I don’t think it makes sense.
Overall, this was a really great read, as usual. I love reading your poetry–your voice is so strong in all of your pieces. Awesome work.