Campbell! This poem made me so queasy and impressed which is not my usual reaction to any poem. The situation you explain is one where the speaker tells a story of when he was running down a mountain in Spoleto, only to be accidentally stabbed by a stray stick in the leg. This manly speaker bolts all the way back to his hostel before inspecting/removing said stick with a STEAK KNIFE! It was like a Ricky Bobby moment or something. It is a truly jarring image. Ok, you begins with a friendly tone– “there I was hiking in Spoleto”– which sets me up for a nice warm story about a wonderful italian vista. Then you pick up speed he’s “sprinting down the mountain.” Here we can sense excitement or urgency. The story is nicely building, when an ominous cloud appears. From here, the story flows in a very orderly manner, picture to picture on each line. Even his quote from Toy Caldwell–“Fire on the mountain, lightening in the air!”– is imagist in it’s own right (an excellent choice of quote to fit your story). I especially like the contrast between “the muddy mountain trail” and “the cobblestone streets”, those ideas backed up to each other help the reader sense your movement through space.
I took issue with two things mainly. (1)Your word organization sort of takes the life out of some of your great images. I would have liked to see you get straight to the image instead of working toward it with prepositions and little useless words. Example: “the cobblestone streets OF THE quaint italian town”. (2) Your tense kept changing on me. When i started the poem I thought this was a story told from the present about the past, but by the last lines you “clink” and “look” and “pry” those are present tense. Here’s the problem, the last lines are by far my favorite they are punchy and vivid, but I also love the concept that this is a story from the past with a true climax. So I would suggest either sticking to one tense, or making the tense change more clear, sort of like a turn in the story where we suddenly enter the hostel with you (although that could be difficult to execute). All and all great stuff!!!!
PS when did the speaker get stabbed: during the poem? or before the poem?