I just want to start by saying that as I sat on my couch with heavy eyes and a battered spirit, this was exactly the poem that I needed to read. This is the complaint poem that speaks to every suffering student across the nation that is just trying to make. It seems as though the closer you get to the end, the longer the weeks become and the more
To the credit of this poem, the voice is both strong and believable (I could here Logan reading it in my head, southern accent and all). Every moment of inflection, every pause, every huff and puff came through the poem clearly. I feel like complaint poems, oftentimes, rely heavily on voice and if that doesn’t work neither does the poem. The diction is simple and conversational, which also adds to the believability of the poem. One device that Logan uses throughout is punctuation. There is a host of periods, exclamation points, and caesuras. This is especially important when it comes to the voice of the poem. The last line in the first stanza reads. “A smile. But nope. Not just yet.” The periods caused me to stop and it really hammers each point. These short pithy statements are used throughout, especially in moments when it seems that the speaker is just fed up. The exclamation points are used as they would traditionally function, but it seems that in all moments of exclamation there is a cloud of sarcasm looming over the term. For example, in line 14, we see “Immediate penalty — oh joy!” Clearly very sarcastic.
There are 2 extended metaphors, which make up 3/5 of the poem. The first is present in the first and last stanza. It is the relatively common race metaphor. Where the speaker sees the improvisational finish line at the end of school that represents graduation. In the last stanza though, there is a metaphor within this metaphor of a cartoon character running in place. This was an image that I found both enjoyable and relatable. The same thing happened in stanza three at the end of the car metaphor. It describes the student as a car driven by a 16 year old that just got his license, which I could not have said better myself
Suggestion: While I do enjoy the extended metaphors, like I said, the metaphors that you use are pretty common maybe even to the point that might be cliches. One suggestion is to explore other possible metaphors. I will say that the third stanza with the car, took an old metaphor and gave it a spin. That way, even if you don’t want to change the overall idea of the metaphor, you can just put a little Logan spin on it and make it yours. I was reaching with this suggestion, the poem is really great and its just what I needed.