August writes her poem in a very conversational, almost matter-of-fact voice, as if she is mid-conversation, recounting a story or memory. Because this poem is from the perspective of her mother, this tone is extremely effective. Although August wrote that this piece is structured as a Persona poem, I think it would almost work better as a dramatic monologue. Especially when read aloud, the poem, with its dialogue and choppy punctuation, mirrors the way most stories are relayed–a compliment to the author, but also making it seem more like a monologue.
A source of confusion for me as the reader was the switch in speakers from the title to the actual poem. The title is “Through My Mother’s Eyes,” spoken through the voice of the daughter(?), but the text of the poem is spoken by the actual mother. When trying to analyze the poem, especially in the persona format, I had trouble identifying who the speaker really was–a daughter regurgitating a story her mother once told her, or her mother telling the story but her daughter titling it…? I’m not really sure, but I think a title edit could be made to clear that all up.
I was really interested in the actual disease/cause of death for the subject of the poem: the dying girl. August writes that “She was overweight and she was alone.” and “I can’t remember now what it was, but I remember she was dying.” As I neared the end of the piece, I started to assume that the girl was dying at the hands of some sort of drug, and probably self inflicted. The idea that this patient “needed a mother” leads the reader to believe there was a lack of parenting that led to the tragedy, and my mind ran with that idea. Of course, that’s very subjective. I do like the open endedness of the situation, but I would’ve loved some closure to keep the poem from being broad throughout. I also think (and this is just me being a freak about line breaks) that some of the lines could be broken up a little differently, and maybe some shorter lines could be isolated along with their punctuation. That is completely up to the author, though. I love the repetition and power of the last few lines. Nice job, August, I enjoyed reading your piece.