The title of the poem “To My Stranger–Friend I saw Your Pain” is interesting and appropriate. The opening is strong and establishes the tone and engages the reader immediately with the details and concrete scene. I can see the girl writhing around as people walked by, however, I could not visualize water filling her lungs and drowning her. The details places me smack in the middle of the scene witnessing the incident. (I was right there looking with the rest of the people who looked on or walked by.)
The dialogue brought the people to life.
I became confused with “friends” (second stanza) and “their friend” (third stanza). I had to read the stanzas several times before I could differentiate between ‘who was who’.
“Maiming waters” is a great trope. It brought forth a BIG physical feeling. Your language arouses deep emotions and supports your theme.