Whole Again

NATURE & How It Healed Me…..

I thought he was the one. The one guy I had dated that was my missing puzzle piece. We were perfect, but we were young and youth was fighting against our relationship. We had dated for two years when he said he needed some space and thinking back on it so did I, but at that moment I was lost. I took it pretty hard. Not wanting to do anything but sleep, go to class, come home, sleep, repeat. I was a wreck living off of Cheeze it’s and red wine and going through boxes of tissues every night. Later I found out my parents were calling me “Marianne” behind my back referring to the emotional character from Jane Austen’s “Sense & Sensibility.” Anyway I went on living in this depressed, overly emotional state for about a month until my dad flew down to get me. He helped me pack a small bag (yes I was that pathetic at the time) and then we went back to his home in Connecticut. There he took me to the Sound. We went everyday for hours. It was early spring and still pretty cold, but the sun on my face felt good. We walked on the rocks and all around the water for hours in silence. This is just what I needed. Ever since that long weekend in Connecticut I realized I was missing more than just a boyfriend/best friend I was missing nature & the outdoors in my life. My relationship with my ex had turned into the same old same old and I was cutting major parts of my life out to be with him. I was ignoring my need to be outside to have adventures both personally and physically. My dad knew this and without giving me some lame speech about how “the boy was never going to come back and how I should really move on” he showed me. I started to realize that I needed to make myself happy before I could make someone else happy. I took up hiking and rock climbing. I also started to pet sit for my neighbors, which allowed me to get outside with dogs. I love dogs and going on a run or walk with them is so freeing.  I also began to start writing outside. This opened all new worlds for me. Writing in bed with the lights out and crying doesn’t really get you anywhere. You tend to only write really depressing stuff that is often a self-reflection of what is really going on in your personal life; however outside in the sun you can write about anything. Nature freed me from the restraints I was putting on my own work and for that I will be eternally grateful. Now a days I can be found in a hammock by Colonial lake pondering my next poem, or out walking on Sullivan’s finding inspiration for my next short story, where ever it may be though I am usually outside.

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